We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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