Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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