If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
