I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
