i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
