I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
