I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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