if only i could text you this smell
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
