I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
