i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
