If that was your dad, he is hot
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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