she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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