I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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