Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
