I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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