Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
