Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
