I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
