piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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