My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
