i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
