dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
