Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
