Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Randomize
