Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
