yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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