We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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