nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize