Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
