i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
