Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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