Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
