im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
