Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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