Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
