he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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