My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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