Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
