I'm so fucking centered right now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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