They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
