I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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