omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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