thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
