nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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