Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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