I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
