Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
