party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
