Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
