is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
