He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
