You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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