Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
