She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would fuck him just for his dog
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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