Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
