I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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