I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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