A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it glows. i had to have it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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