I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
