fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
