Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
