I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
