he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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