Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
