She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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