I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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