Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
