mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
