her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
