omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
