So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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