I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
