You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
