anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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