i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
