I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
