so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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